apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
