Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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