We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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