I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
