Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
