I hate your face
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
