There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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