sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
