thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
