Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
