can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
