I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
