ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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