can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
