just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
