I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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