I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
