dude i'm inner monologue high
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
