lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Drunk is not a location!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
