I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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