She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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