remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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