since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
