I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
