so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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