She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
