Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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