The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
