OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
