Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
