The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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