when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
