He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
