by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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