He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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