i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
