just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
