Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
