So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
