it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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