I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
