Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
