Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
