She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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