Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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