my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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