so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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