Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
