I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
