a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
