I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
