how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
