Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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