Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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