So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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